As our plan was finally ascending after being only a few minutes late, we hit the clouds. We flew through the clouds. I couldn’t help but remember our talks about clouds on our first date and on our last date.

We passed the clouds then flew over the lake (pictured).
And yeah, I bawled my eyes out. I think the guy next to me thought I was psycho or something. 

I will never stop missing you.

I have a mad craving for corn flakes with hot milk, guatemalan coffee, and panqueques. fml

I’m laying here in Las Hermanas waiting for tomorrow when I’ll get picked up and taken to the airport. It goes without saying that this was probably was one the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life.

As practically the whole wide world knows, I went to Guatemala last summer and fell madly in love. I fell so in love, in fact, that right after I returned to the States, I began looking at flight prices to return. Once I saw a dip, I bought them. While I’ve heard all of the horror stories, I still couldn’t help but book my tickets back to San Pedro La Laguna. While I did have my doubts at first, things just magically worked out for me.

Was it scary coming here alone? Hell yes.

Was it even worse since I forgot my Guatemalan cell back home? You know it.

Did it freak me out that I’d be coming here to do stuff with people I didn’t know? DUH.

Would I go back in time and change things if I could? Never.

While I was scared like no other on my way and worried that something was going to happen while I was here for my first few days, my nerves eventually died down. I lived and let the world just take care of me. I mean, the fact that I lived 2 blocks away from THE church (long story) with a nurse had to be a sign, right? Thing’s were going to be all right. I had a feeling. Plus, I spent the first night here at Las Hermanas and I’m here again.

My first week went by without a hitch. I was expecting to get sick. (Sad, but true.) I did (but more on that later). After I made it past 1.5 weeks, I thought to myself, “Okay. If I can make it past 2 weeks, I’ll be good. It wasn’t until the very end of my trip last time that I fell ill. Plus, I brought Vit. D + Calc. supplements with me for a reason!”

Anyways, remember when I was so sick that I was found on the ground and I couldn’t move?

Yeah, I got sick again on this trip. I spent my first official weekend (without traveling) sick. Granted, it was also Christmas weekend.

I had the best night, but ended up missing the fireworks since I was laying in bed. I spent Christmas Day in bed… all day. I couldn’t eat a thing. I couldn’t drink anything. Everything made me nauseous. Lucky for me, I was blessed with the family I had. I’d smile when I’d hear my host brothers play music and sing. And deep down, I couldn’t help but be glad that my host mum and host sister (who, as mentioned earlier, is also a nurse!) were there. They took really good care of me. For the next few days, my mum loaded me up on veggies. (Granted, she also ended up finding out that I’m a vegetarian in the States and I’ll only eat anything non-veggie when I’m abroad in a country with better animal ethic practices.)

New Year’s was amazing.

I spent New Year’s Eve with my host family at church (where my little bro ended up playing the drums), before heading out with them to the rooftop for prayers and fireworks. T ended up teasing me since as I was recording some of it, you could hear me scream as I ran and hid behind him since our neighbors decided to throw some up, too. (I even have part of the scream on video! LOL) After that, I met the extended family and tried the New Year’s punch for my first time. It was SO yums.

At my school, I met some of the most amazing people I could ever meet. They had my back. They understood me. They understood why and how I could fall so in love with a place of all things. I got my teachers to tell me stories about the culture. I perfected my grammar (ish). And I became known as “the advanced student.” During pausas, I’d joke around. During class, I’d joke around. I became known for always joking and laughing… even when I was sick.

I was thanked for deciding to learn Tz’utujil. (Not to mention, teased by mi oso y su familia because I knew some words in Tz’utujil and not in Spanish. Don’t ask. haha)

People shopping in the Mercado would recognize me and wave like crazy.

Tourists would ask me for directions.

Locals began to invite me to events.

Oh, and my favourite: I totally ended up falling big time for the town musician. Lol

Three days before leaving, he serenaded me as I ate lunch.

Two days before I left, he sat there and ate with me as he comforted my screaming/crying/hysteric/angry/confused/screwed self.*

And the day I left, he hollered for my ride and made sure I got to where I needed to get to safely.

Not to mention, I spent the night prior enjoying a rooftop view of the lake with lit up neighboring pueblos and a full moon (It was reddish-orange!)…all while in his arms.

Oh, and about my screamimg/crying/hysteric/angry/confused/screwed self,* two weeks before leaving, I started asking tourist agencies about getting to where I needed to get to in the City. Out of all 13248359 of them, ONE of them said they could take me to where I needed to go. I went in to their office two days prior to buy my ticket (You go in one or 2 days prior to buy it. It’s like that for all agencies here regardless of where you want to go.). What happened? Oh, you know… they told me that they couldn’t take me to where I needed to go anymore. I asked what she recommended I do. She suggested I go to the neighboring agency. I did. Same story… again, except this time, she called the private driver that I do have, but he was unavailable via phone. I freaked. I bought my ticket anyways and cried home.

Some shizz happened. 

I went home. I walked in. I shook my head, threw my agenda on the table and my backpack on the floor, my mum asked me what was wrong. I told her. I told T. They were trying to help me figure out solutions. The first time T asked me what I was going to do, I told him “Nada. Tengo clase en 45 minutos.” The second time I was asked by my mum. I told her, “No se. Creo que voy a vivir con mi novio en…Xela, ¿verdad?” She laughed that I could still joke while being hysteric/angry/confused/screwed.

So what did end up happening? Un hombre que esta estudiando en la misma escuala me ayuda muucchhhooo. I defied all freaking odds and will hopefully catch my flight tomorrow morning to head back to Cali.

I cried my way out of San Pedro La Laguna while making friends with a boy from NYU who ended up chatting with me and giving me the distraction I needed.

Oh, and as soon as I could, I hit up a skype date and asked what TN did when she first came back to the States.

Honestly, I don’t know how I’m going to deal.

I get 2 days total to get used to speaking English again, which let me tell you now, is FAR different from just typing in English. (I tried speaking yesterday and today. It’s too hard. I keep using a mix of English, Spanish, and Tz’utujil. Samuel thinks it’s cute. I think it’s sad.)

I get 2 days to prep for work, school, and sports again.

I get 1 day to get ready for the HUGE food shock. (No more fresh tortillas, pan con café a las 6, hot milk with corn flakes, chuchitos for pausas, and atol galore. Not to mention no more frijoles with everything.)

Oh, and the best part: after finding out some shizz that went down “back home” while I was in SP, I decided to let go and live. So I met a boy. I fell hard for a boy. And I won’t get to hug/kiss/hold hands with/sit there on the stairs/sneak off in the middle of the night for walks/joke with/play with/work out with/etc. for another 4 freaking months.

So why do I like traveling alone?

• I’m forced to be independent.
• I get to meet new people and make new friends.
• I have to speak more. What does this mean? My speaking skills just get better. POW.
• I highly, HIGHLY doubt that I would have had all the amazing new experiences had I came with a friend.
• Along with making new friends, I also got to get to know some secret places for insanely amazing food. Homemade coconut ice cream from a shop that doesn’t look like it sells ice cream, but the ice cream ends up rocking your face off? DOWN. Oh, and it even came in a little baggie, too.
• And as I venture off into a new world to discover a culture so freaking magnificent (along with the people and food, of course), I’m given the grand opportunity to forget about everything that drove me nuts in the States. Ya’ll know what they were.

Ps. Tomorrow, I’m probably going to regret only giving myself 5 hours of sleep tonight. Oopsies. Hehe.

My heart hurts. Update after I get off this skype date. :(

Yesterday was crazy. I went to class. At around 811, Duende comes up with Maxi to our class and asked if we wanted to go with him and her to grab coffee before they headed over to meet up Vicente at the Mercado. He changed his mind from the day prior.

 We all went to the Mercado together and Vicente let me pick out 11 (or was it twelve. There were 6 from the first vendor.) aguacates. Then he chose out the rest of the ingredients. We went back as he passed by home. While waiting for him, we soaked the veggies in bleach water (like chlorine. I didn’t know that they do that here.). We made the guacamol and finally were ready for break at 1100am. Rick joined us early since he noticed that students were helping out. I met a new girl, Lucy, from London who is a food photo obsessed person as well.

After that, instead of actually learning, I got Jose to just tell me stories for the last half hour.

I went home. T was heading out with Pablo and some other boy. I asked where they were going. They said San Juan. So I went back in, dropped off my stuff, and asked E if I could go and buy my ticket for my bus. I went to the one that once told me that they’d take me anywhere I wanted in the city. They said they couldn’t do that anymore. I freaked. I asked what my best option was. They recommended me to Maya Tz’utujil. I went a few shops over and asked them. They could only take me to zona 1, 9, 10, or 13. The bus also takes a stop in Antigua. We tried reaching Samuel while at the traveling agency, but he didn’t answer. I bought my ticket anyways for Q100.

 I almost cried on my way home. Some guy came up to me and started talking to me. Did I want to talk to him? No. Would he leave me alone? No. I bumped into Duende and ran up to him. The big, black guy decided to stay around and wait. -_- He asked where I was going.  I said home. He asked if we could meet up today. I said fine. We agreed on 1330. I’m probably just going to stick with him for 30 min then run off. It’s my last day and I have a lot to take care of. Plus, he’s been here for 6 weeks. …And I like my local friends more than most of the tourists I’ve been meeting.

I came home pissed and still on the verge of tears. As soon as I wanted in, I started shaking my head. E asked, “¿No puedes?” I said nope. I threw my agenda on the table and my backpack on the floor. I was pissed.

T was sitting right in from of me. For the next 45 minutes, I explained my situation and why I was pissed. At first, I just told him that I couldn’t leave. He asked San Pedro or Guate. I said San Pedro. Then he asked why. I told him that it’s really complicated and that if he understood English, I’d totally tell him. He kept telling me to try explaining to him. Then I kept saying that I couldn’t in Spanish. Then he said to just tell him in English. I said two words in English then started cracking up. He asked what was wrong. I told him that I can’t talk to him in English because it feels wrong. I told him in Spanish instead and he explained to E. He tried figuring out a solution. He recommended that I just get dropped off at zona 1 then have one of the Hermanas pick me up via taxi, wait for me, then we ride back together. (I also told him that I don’t think it’s safe for a young girl to travel alone in a city she’s unfamiliar with. Traveling in San Pedro is easy since I’ve been here for so long and so many times; Guatemala City is a totally different story for me.) He asked what I was going to do. I said that I don’t know but I had class in 45 minutes. When time came, I ended up grabbing my stuff. He asked where I was going. I told him I was going to class even though I didn’t want to. During all of that, P ran outside, took off his pants and ran back in. That was just the thing I needed to bring a smile to my face. Lol T and I were both on the verge of tears from laughing so hard.

 I arrived on time (even though I only gave myself 10 minutes). As soon as I got there, I asked for Vicente, but nobody knew where he was at. I found Ana and told her my story. She recommended that I just hire a driver and explain my situation. She totally calmed me down. I ended up not regretting going to class. During the break, I asked Vicente if he had my guy’s number because I thought I had the wrong number. He handed me cookies for the break and gave me his cell to call. He joked that it’d cost 50 Guatemalan cents per minute. He ended up not taking my money. When I first called Samuel, he didn’t answer. I gave the phone back to Vicente heartbroken. As I was heading out to sit closer to the lake, Vicente hollered back. Samuel was calling back. He told me that it was possible for him to drive me. He’d meet me at La Merced Iglesia in Antigua and he’ll be waiting once noon rolls around. That means I don’t get the horchata even though I’ll be in Antigua, but that’s okay. I’m still happy things ended up working out.

I spent the break with Ana just sitting and enjoying our view in the tranquility.

I came home and chilled. T and I sat next to eat other while watching videos of Rojo (a religious Mexican rock back. They’re pretty good.). Eventually, he had his head on my arm… then his head in my lap. Lol E told him to stop bugging me. I said it was fine. We were joking right before dinner and E and L asked if I’d miss T once I left. I said I’d hella miss him. He pretended to pluck out a hair and hand it to me “as a way to rememeber him.” I said no. haha He joked and pretended to give me a sanik from the tortilla coaster, since I saw one there earlier and grabbed it, showed it to him and said, “hey! Es un sanik.” (we just laughed since he said “es un sanik” as soon as I wrote sanik in my diario.) Oh, and during this, I asked if we could go to the park again today at night. He asked why. I told him because it’s pretty. He’s down. J

 I ate dinner with the parents. L and T didn’t eat. T didn’t eat til like 2130. -_-

 After dinner, I showered then sat on the stairs with T for a while. (I ate at around 2000, but I ended up staying at the dinner table with my arms around him as I rested my head on his shoulder. E would gesture me to Antonio and crack a smile. I called T “mi oso.”)

Later, we were talking about rollercoasters and my leave and how I wouldn’t be able to live my “novio forever in xela” and E asked “you’re not bringing him with you anymore?” She said that T really would like to go to the states. I asked him where in Cali he’d like to go: LA or SF. He said it didn’t matter; I could choose. I said, “vamos.” He said, “We need to marry first.” I asked for my ring and he gave me the key ring from his keys. LOL

No kisses last night since he was sick, but lots of hugs and cuddles though. Same with today except he’s even worse off. Why does this have to happen on my last day? 

But I am glad that when he was starting to come down with his cold (before it got this bad), we snuck out in the middle of the night to work on his motorcycle and we snuck in some insanely passionate kisses. Tmi, I know. But this is my blog!)

 And I am insanely glad that I ended up sticking through and living here. I’m even happier that I decided to travel alone. I’ll forever be grateful for the friends and family I have met here along my travels, and even more grateful for the experiences brought on solely due to my family.

And never will I ever forget the first boy that I’ve dated who happens to be younger and slightly shorter than me. (I know! Who am i!?)

Now that I think about it, I’m starting to turn into my mum. Lol She married a guy shorter and younger and darker than her… much like T is to me. Except you know, my daddy is a computer nerd and my boy is a musician who serenades me when I’m ill, when I’m eating, and when I’m doing pretty much anything. It also makes my heart melt to see him take such great care of his sobrino.

Yeah, it sucks that I’m leaving, but I’m happy that I even came in the first place.

Yesterday, I hopped a chicken bus to Santa Clara and bought this fruit that I’ve only eaten fresh in China. In the States, it’s frozen and gross.

I ate two giant things of those suckas for breakfast today along with 2 special pans that you can only get in Santa Clara from one particular vendor during this time of year.

If being here means I get to eat these yummy things… can i stay forever?

Duende, this kid in my Spanish school, has this saying that the universe has its way of taking care of you.

As of right now, I couldn’t agree with him any less.

I got to his place early (745am) and just sat there then he called me from his rooftop kitchen and I went in and met his family. Their house is GORGEOUS.

After that, we hopped a chicken bus and got to Santa Clara… It was a maybe 45-minute drive. We walked around. It was beautiful. I asked him about the prices of certain things and then told him my financial situation and he told me that he kind of of already got that feeling since I asked how much it’d cost to get to Santa Clara. It took us FOREVER to find the special bread that he was talking about, so I just bought 2 pan dulces from a bakery for Q1 each.  The special bread is unique to Santa Clara in that they don’t use yeast in it! We asked around and everyone kept directing us to bakeries but the bakeries didn’t know what we were talking about until some lady finally took a while to think then directed us to a stand.

Before that, when we took our first tour of the market, I saw the giant lychee fruit things that are called nona in Spanish! This guy tried to sell it to me for Q5. I said I’d come back later. Then he tried for 4 then 3. Lol I ended up buying 2 huge ones for Q9 total from a different stand right before we left. Duende bought an assload of bread and I only bought one of each. He paid for that, half of my ride on the tuk tuk (I covered him on the pickup) and for my coconut water. He also handed me Q100 and told me it was to help put some ease into my mind. Lol how sweet!!! I thanked him so freaking much. He was telling me about how he wants some way to get hot water, so I think that on my next trip back, I’ll bring him an electric kettle like the one I have from Costco. For saving my butt and giving me an assload of adventure, I owe him big time.

And that was my first time on a chicken bus!

We hopped a pick up to San Pablo from Santa Clara since I asked when the next bus would leave for San Pedro and the traffic control guy told me it wouldn’t leave til 1230, so we asked for alternative methods. The pickup cost us Q5 each. Then the tuk tuk driver charged us Q10 each. Seriously? Not cool bro. -_-

I came home and Duende walked me home and gave me half of his bread to share with my family! How sweet! Oh and I met a friend of his (Olivia) and her friend Julia. They both live here now! Olivia moved here last spring after her meditation retreat and her parents pay her 300USD each month. SHE’S GOREOUS. Julia moved here roughly 3 months ago and is an art teacher and some other coordinator. Apparently, Duende and Olivia have a mutual friend (Gretchen) who is a Ford model that just got married and offered to hook Olivia up with modeling! Oh, and her husband doesn’t want to come here for their honeymoon. I know… What’s wrong with him? I cannot wait to come back just to hang with them. Duende wants to go to Xela so I offered to ask Elmer if he could stay with them since they just bought a bigger house. He said he doesn’t plan on going til June or July when the weather is nicer.

OH and he complimented my Facebook pictures. Hahaha

Regardless, if we end up going to Xela (since I told him I wanted to come back in late May as soon as finals are over then return to the states like the day before session c starts), I’ll pay for his rent and cover him if I have to. J

 Pictures once I get back to the City. :)

Originally written yesterday on 05 enero 2012. Posted on the 6th.

___ 

How can I explain to you the beauty of this place; it’s magnificence?

How can I even try to begin to put into words the peace and happiness I feel when I’m here?

And how can I begin to tell you about the heartbreak I feel every night as I begin to think about how I am leaving in exactly a week from today?

How can I tell you how amazing yet awkward it feels to have locals and tourists alike consider you a local now?

How can I even begin to describe it all…?

I spent the other day after class playing basketball with my host brothers, one of their girlfriends, the girlfriend’s sister, the girlfriend’s sister’s boyfriend, and the girlfriend’s sister’s friend. It was SO fun. We ran to the next pueblo over then hit up the gym and played for 2 hours.

You know how amazing it feels to have a girl from San Juan say, “okay. How about for the first round, we play us 4 San Juan kids vs. you 3 San Pedro kids?”

I spent yesterday afternoon babysitting a 1 year old with my little brother here who everyone now considers my boyfriend. You know how amazing it feels when even the family’s baby considers you important enough that he’ll come running through screaming out, “HOLAAA!!”

I spend my mornings learning Spanish and my afternoons lounging around since my Tz’utujil teacher is too drunk to even show. (That’s the only downside.)

But on New Year’s Eve, I had the most amazing experience ever as we went up to the roof at 2355 to pray and watch fireworks. It was SO beautiful to see all the pueblos across the lake light up as your neighbors were throwing up fireworks too. After that, my family invited me with them to go to my host mom’s side of the family. I met all of her sisters and their kids. I had punch. I joked around. I went to a tradiational Guatemalan dance. I had fun.

Oh, and last night, I went to my first bonfire ever.. that I organized with the permission of the director of my school. That was amazing.

And tonight? I have salsa class. Yeah.

I don’t want to go back to Cali…

Awkward is the moment when Diego drives by in his truck as I’m sitting at this acfe on Skype and he stares STRAIGHT. AT. ME.

I’m pretty sure he knows I’m here now.

fml.